Just heard the Rock of Alabama is touring the state of Michigan this week (don't worry, it's also traveling elsewhere, probably somewhere near you). I am sure everyone will want to see this rock, because as you know, its a secular object. Since fully 30% of its edicts vaguely coincide with our national sense of legal wrongdoing, it's considered a founding document of the nation.
But how to best welcome it to our lands? I suggest the following:
- Get a group of people together who are suitably motivated to welcome the object.
- Dress in robes, tunics, fake navy uniforms or perhaps pelts and animal bones. It doesn't matter as long as it's a clean and consistent look. You just want to look like a group.
- Don't just welcome it, WORSHIP it! That means falling on your knees and praying to it with your butt in the air, palms and nose to the ground.
- Encourage others to worship the image as well. Remember, it's patriotic!
- Perhaps bring your own Christian images (sorry Jews, the commandments are Christian now, except for the one about the Sabbath) that were instrumental in the founding of the country. I suggest a large golden calf, an iron chariot, and maybe a beast with seven heads and ten horns.